Montpelier Delenda Est!

While our attention has been focused on our enemies in the Middle East, there has been a threat growing within our own national borders. The Second Vermont Republic (SVR) has been growing in power and notoriety over the past few months and has been gaining fame both domestically and abroad.


The SVR is a secessionist movement bent on pulling the state out of the United States a la South Carolina in 1860-61. SVR leaders claim that the right to secession is real and justified by historical precedent (just when you thought the Civil War was a bad thing...). According to the SVR, a state and its people have the right and the duty to secede when a government has lost the authority to rule. Ironic how they use the reasoning of the founding fathers to support their cause. Furthermore, the United States' government is immoral and disrespectful of the individual states.

To date, the separatist movement is not militant. In fact, one of the hallmark ideas of the movement is that a state can secede peacefully. As evidence, they cite the newly independent states born of the break up of the Soviet Union. Of course, the Soviet bloc fell apart and did not stand idly by while a section of it radicalized politically and opted out.


A seceding state from the US, especially one on the border, is too great a threat to national security to be permitted.


Granted, any red-blooded American would love to see the hyper-liberal state hit the road, but it simply is too dangerous. With its growing international fame, how long would it be before the SVR is contacted by the greater terrorist network? How long until Osama is hiding out in the mountains of Vermont instead of in the mountains of Afghanistan? A rogue state on the border is too tasty a morsel for the enemies of America to ignore.


The practical means to rectify the problem are less clear. Perhaps the residents of Vermont could be relocated to Texas for re-Americanization? Pacify the Vermonters by legalizing marijuana in their state?

Either way, the South is now officially exculpated and the Northeast has taken over the mantle of treason. One course of action is clear: Montpelier Delenda Est!